My Best Friend!

Yesterday I picked up Ruger's ashes.  And now that I have picked them up I can't seem to think about burying them.  Having them makes me feel like he is close to me, I know that sounds really weird but it is how I feel.  Our house has seemed empty since we lost him and I miss him so much.  It is amazing how the void of one spirit can really affect the feel of a home.
Per my previous post Ruger was diagnosed with Lymphoma but we had hope that we could have him longer with the use of steroids.  We were lucky to have him for a couple more months before the cancer had taken his whole body.  He started not eating well again and he stopped sleeping in our room where he always had slept, and when he would sleep he would breath really face and shallow.  He also stated to have more pain even though he would hid it well, (my Buger-Man always smiled). The day before we put him down I discovered some sores on his back where the hair and skin just started to sluffed off exposing these horrible sores and I came to the realization that it was time and no matter how hard it would be for me to not have him that it wasn't fair to let him suffer and waste away.
I really felt it important that I wanted to be there with him so the last thing that he remembered was me and not a stranger and upon arriving at the vet, Dr Bingham took one look and Ruger and said that the sores were from the Lymphoma and that his liver was enlarged and said if we took a X-Ray of his chest it probably would be covered with cancer.  It was time!  The process was very quick and painless for Ruger, however not for me and Monroe.  We where blubbering babies, he and Mesa were our first kids.
Mesa has done better than I thought she would she has connected more to me and the kids, which I am so relieved.  Another dog is in our future but not for a while, I don't want to get a puppy this summer with us leaving for vacations.  And I think that we are still morning our Buger-Man.

OH HOW I MISS YOU RUGER!
(?-JUNE 11, 2012)